Saturday, 22 January 2011

Sack them all!

Premier League clubs showed this week that they're still capable of wasting money on a vast scale! 24 million pounds for Darren Bent is in my opinion tantamount to shooting ones self in the head, somehow living to tell the tale, and then reloading and going for it again. Yes he scored tonight on his debut but in fairness a blind antelope could have knocked that one in. I'm confident in saying that if Randy Lerner knew as much about football as he did about the NFL then he would not have spent the GDP of a small nation on a man whose done nothing except look ordinary his whole career.

Anyway I'm getting sidetracked. It wasn't Darren Bent or the money involved that wound me up this week. Instead it was managers moaning about the improper conduct of their colleagues and the injustice that exists in the business of football. Steve Bruce in particular amazed me with his, close to tears, news conference where he voiced his shock and dismay at having his star striker bought from under his nose. Earth to Steve... Earth to Steve... Come in.... you do realise your club just received 24 million for Darren Bent! There's no doubt in my mind that when this deal was slapped on Niall Quinn's desk the shrewd Irishman first of all choked on his morning coffee, danced a quick jig, and then signed on the dotted line in lightening fast time.

But Steve still isn't happy, he feels besmirched, he feels like the world is against him. What winds me up even more is when we hear managers come out with the classic "this is the toughest job in the world". This usually comes out of their trembling lips when one of their fellow old boys club members is about to get the boot for being incompetent. Sam Allardyce is of course the latest. A man who subjects fans of the teams he manages to some of the dreariest slop of an excuse for football, Big Sam was amazed that new owners might actually want to attract fans with a more exciting brand of football. Ian Holloway and a whole host of other managers were out entertaining us all with vitriolic attacks on club owners. What they won't mention of course is the massive pay off that their buddy will be getting which will allow the hard done by individual to bask on a Caribbean beach for the rest of his life, if he so wished.

Let’s be honest where else on this cut throat planet could a man lacking; even the most basic English language skills, general business know-how, and life skills in general, still command a million pound salary. Only in football! Pundits talk about managers (usually their dad i.e: Jamie Redknapp) in glowing terms, extolling the virtues of their superior man management skills, and their tactical genius. To be honest I think Steve Bruce has headed so many balls in his time that his already limited brain would be incapable of genius of any variety. And as for man management I think most school teachers are probably more grounded in how to control a bunch of spoiled brats.

What Managers fail to realise is that owners are owners because they are successful in the real world. Not the make believe cloud cuckoo land that is the Premier League. Therefore when a man who has made millions of pounds from not just kicking a ball around wants to change his management team he probably has good reason. I'd love to know just what Sam Allardyce presented to his new bosses to convince them to let him stay. I imagine it would have been along the lines of a scribbled note on the back of his morning's sausage role paper bag, perhaps backed up with a gruff remark, and maybe even a burp. Lets be honest the man wouldn't look out of place in a dodgy 2nd hand car dealership.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. It's why the few good managers that exist tend to stay quite quiet when a sacking takes place. Ferguson tends to just shake his head and sigh when confronted with the news of yet another sacking. Arsene Wenger develops a sly French smirk and then comes out with some PC bullshit that he's programmed to say on such an occasion. Why do these top dogs not come out all guns blazing in the defence of the likes of Sam Allardyce? I'll tell you why. It's because they know the truth. The reason they stay in their jobs is because they are the minority amongst managers who can actually do the job. They know how bad the rest are because they invariably beat them week in week out. However these stalwarts of the game probably are a little envious of some of their inferior rivals, as Wenger and Ferguson haven’t had a day's paid gardening leave in years! Maybe it's time for them to get lazy, start moaning, and join the club!

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