Giving Audrey a beating!

I'm a big fan of boxing! I can't really say why, but I think it has something to do with my huge admiration for the men that do step into the ring. It is the one sport that I would be hopelessly useless at. I dislike pain, have always talked my way out of fights rather than into them, and I don't like hurting people. For the most part boxers of all shapes and sizes display all the attributes that I'm unable to. At least I thought this was the case until a bell rang just after 11pm last night.


Audley Harrison had convinced many that he would give David Haye the fight of his life. The self named 'A-Force' had been on a PR campaign that would have rivaled that of top politicians. Such was his seeming blind belief that he would emerge from the depths of ineptitude to conquer his one time friend even I found a little part of myself thinking that maybe "Yes he can".

However unlike Obama whom he stole his fight motto from, Audley was found woefully wanting when it actually came to backing up his words.

At the time I just couldn't believe what the Olympic chump was doing. He knew that Haye was conscious of the power in his left hand and yet the challenger didn't even once try to back the champion up with a meaningful punch. Such was Audley's lack of endeavor that Haye was even able to hand pick which round he would stop the fight in (So as his close ones who he'd told in private could place bets on the fight finishing in that round)

Never have I been so disappointed by a fighter’s performance. Even Ricky Hatton, when he took his Guinness fuelled fists to take on Pacquiao, put up a decent fight and even when he did get knocked out at least he got knocked out properly. Harrison couldn't even manage that! He just stood there swaying around with reality leathering him the face over and over again.

The fact of the matter is that this fight was designed to make everyone involved a lot of money before Haye steps up in class to fight a Klitschko brother. Secure in the knowledge that he's made in excess of £10 million the WBA champ can go and try and decapitate a Ukrainian man mountain and be sure that his family will be ok even if he returns home in a body bag.

Unfortunately the paying public had to endure one of the most cringe worthy three rounds of boxing ever seen. However if that's the price we have to pay to see a Klitschko set foot in a ring with David Haye then it might just have been worth it! I for one would pay good money to watch Haye take on either of the brothers.

If you hadn't had enough of one sided fights though then turn your attention to December 11th when a woefully under experienced British fighter Derek Chisora takes on Vladimir Klitschko. Hopefully though Del Boy can at least throw a few punches before his lights are turned out!

23 champions or 23 chumps?

As I sit in my apartment penning these words Fabio Capello and the FA are merely moments away from announcing the squad that will be tasked with regaining the holy grail of International football. It has taken them all day to announce the conclusion that Capello had already come to just hours after the teams Friendly game against Japan. However as the dust settles it is already becoming clear who the unlucky 7 are. Theo Walcott wasted little time in letting everyone know exactly what his world cup fate was when he boarded a flight to Barbados with his WAG in tow. That left just 6 to be accounted for.

Before those 6 are discussed though it must be said that Walcott's omission is by far the biggest shock of the squad cull. Not so long ago he scored a hat rick against a terrified Croatia who couldn't deal with his pace. He certainly didn't put in dreadful performances in the latest combo of friendlies either. I do though have to agree with Capello's judgement on the Walcott dilemma. Yes he is quick, however as the Japanese highlighted, when faced with a tight and technical space to operate in he is predictable and his threat easily neutralised. Indeed Walcott is suited to open flowing football, but this is not the type of game that England will be engaged in, in South Africa. Moreover they will require technically gifted players who can maintain possession whilst also being able to provide a killer pass, cross, or finish. All these qualities are vacant from Walcott's resume. When you also consider the competition he faced you can further understand the Italian Maestro's judgement. SWP is very quick but also has superior link up play and plays better box to box. Lennon again is pacy and can deliver quality into the box.

Wow sorry Theo you took a bit of a beating there, I'm sure Barbados will be nice this time of year though! Now that issues dealt with, another must be hastily addressed . Centre Backs!
Paying particular attention to the fact that it has just been announced that Mathew Upson will be boarding the plane at the expense of Michael Dawson and that in all likely hood Ferdinand and Terry will be the teams foundation yet again.

I'm not certain what Micheal Dawson has done to offend Mr Capello? Maybe he was caught spitting on the bosses schnitzel at their Austrian training base or maybe there is a pregnant teenager walking around that Capello knows about and we don't. These are the only far fetched theories that could possibly explain why a West Ham player who has leaked goals all season has been selected ahead of the inform centre back of the year. Upson's experience has been highlighted as the reason for him being favoured. Surely though with a rear guard that is hardly in its hay day and that has the speed of a Vespa scooter on an incline, Dawson would have been the better choice.

The seemingly immovable pairing of Ferdinand and Terry also worries me deeply. At club level both these players have excelled but they play for teams that are so well drilled in their defensive tasks that they rarely have to deal with a crisis. They are also old and lacking in speed over a short difference and I wouldn't fancy their chances of halting say the Argentine, Brazilian or Spanish advances. For me King and Dawson would be the best pairing with either veteran ready to step in if either got injured.

The best piece of news to come out of today's announcement is that Joe Cole is to be winging his way to Africa. The reason I highlight his selection is for the following reasons. Many of our top stars are tired and mentally drained from what was an even more gruelling domestic season than normal. Players like Gerrard and Lampard have carried their teams hopes on their shoulders all year and then are lumbered with trying to provide for a nation. Therefore it is up to players such as Joe Cole, Emile Heskey and SWP who have not been so burdened, to come out and shine. Cole is also one our few players with a genuine world class touch and guile on the ball.

All in all then how do these selections bode for our chances in the World Cup? We have a chance as always as all English pundits have come out and aimlessly stated. Well yes everyone has a chance! Normally 'Nicks sport rant' holds a somewhat pessimistic view on our nations sporting chances but in this case I will climb the other side of the fence. Don't ask my why too much, but I think this team has more than a good chance. Our group is the weakest by a stretch, the Germans have lost Ballack, Argentina have a coke addicted midget for a manager, France are already looking to the future and Laurent Blanc, and Brazil look below their usual standard. This only leaves Spain and Italy who look like truly formidable foe's, but England might just have it in them to kick them up in the air often enough to emerge victorious.

Jose goes on the attack, but will it last?

As marriages go Jose Mourinho being wed to Real Madrid looks about as doomed as a Britney Spears marriage. There are many parallels that can be drawn in fact. Mourinho will have an interfering control freak of a father figure to deal with in club president Florentino Perez. He will also have to fend off a paparazzi pack which will be ready and waiting to tear him limb from limb when he doesn't win his first three matches in charge 6-0.

For those of you who are not big Britney fans though allow me to underline what I believe Mourinho's main problems will be at Madrid.


Obviously his biggest is the way his teams play football. Mourinho himself has described his Inter team as a 'team of blood, not skill'. Although the English is rudimentary you get the gist and its hard to say that his Chelsea side were any different, often they were described as 'The Machine'. Real on the other hand are anything but a machine, they have players such as Guti and Ronaldo who are built to entertain and look pretty, and their fans like it, even if they can be prone to leaving vacuous gaps in their defense. Is Mourinho simply going to waltz into the haloed Santiago Bernabau and install tactics compromising an Italian defensive barricade combined with English 'bullishness'?


The next issue he faces is whether his style of play will humour the current footballing talent in Madrid? These are players that came to Madrid to be part of the Galactico's, an elite squad of players who are so good that they can play in white and never even get dirty. What will their reaction be when the new coach actually tells them how to play? Rather than sitting on the fringes and occasionally stammering "well played lads".

Then finally hot off the press today and the reasoning behind my headline. Mourinho wants his type of player at Madrid. Not satisfied with the £190 million pounds spent last summer by Madrid and the problems he already faces, he now wants to buy English footballs oldest dilemma. Lampard and Gerrard. Not only are these two players reaching the twilight of their careers; both are untried abroad, neither has ever done a step over, and as any England fan will testify they cannot be played together. Add to this the fact that its difficult to see either Lampard or Gerrard adapting to Spanish life and it seems that even 'The Special One' will have his work cut out.


What then can we reasonably expect from a Madrid side with Jose at the helm? Champions League winners? La Liga champions? I'm going to say neither. He will probably win the Spanish Cup (Copa del Rey) and then handkerchief sales will rise 10 fold in Madrid prior to their unveiling at the final home game of the season thus bringing Jose's reign to an end. Stats don't lie and when you consider that Mourinho will be Real's 11th coach in 7 years you can't help but wonder why Mourinho didn't take a vacation. During which, enough time would have passed for his God complex to subside slightly and for him to see without hindrance the huge mistake he was about to make.

The Rant is back!

After a winter away from the madness of the sporting world 'Nicks Sports Rant' is back. However, having taken a look around the world sports media its as though I have never been away. Lance Armstrong denies more doping allegations, Football clubs are going bankrupt, and Footballs top fat cats (Lord Triesman in particular) are putting their feet in more poop than can be found on an inner city verge.

So the question that hovers above my keyboard is just what to rant about first, with my options being so plentiful. I have plumped for Lance Armstrong. The many followers of 'Nicks sports rant' will know already that I have a more than merely dim view of Lance Armstrong's achievements in a sport that is rotten to the core. It still irks me that the man commands such respect from the sporting world despite seemingly being caught up in every doping scandal that hits cycling. What infuriates me even more is that he offsets these doubts with his recovery from cancer which seems to cover him from being found guilty of cheating.

Mere mortals such as Floyd Landis who do not have a pity screen to cower behind are also a little annoyed that they are the only ones being caught whilst Armstrong continues to make his millions.

Before I go on I feel I must put things into context for you the reader. Floyd Landis (a former team mate of Armstrong's and former winner of the 'Tour De France') has finally given up trying to suggest he was innocent of doping and instead has decided to come out and dish the dirt on the rest of the cycling community and in particular Armstrong and other US riders. In one e-mail obtained by the Wall Street Journal he even accused Armstrong of hiding bags of blood in a refrigerator in his closet, so that he could then inject it during off time in long races such as the 'Tour De France'.

Of course Armstrong has denied the allegations. What truly vexes me though is that Cycling's governing bodies seem to actively disregard the allegations. Pat Mcquaid the head of the International Cycling Union was quoted as saying that the allegations were "scandalous and mischievous" and that "coming out now with things from the past could only damage the sport". Pat Mcquaid's comments must be put into context however. In 2007 he clashed with authorities in Stuttgart that wanted racer Paulo Bettini banned for failing to comply with drugs testing. Mcquaid backed Bettini but then fined two other riders for the same offense. Therefore when you look deeper into his statement it becomes vividly clear that what he really means is "can we not just sweep all this drug abuse under the carpet"!

The fact is that the cycling world bodies protecting high profile drug cheats are irreparably damaging the sport and the issue isn't about to go away because now the US law authorities are involved. In fact investigator Jeff Novitzky is investigating Landis's claims and he is the very same investigator that blew the lid on the BALCO scandal that culminated in Marion Jones (disgraced multi Olympic gold medalist) being jailed for drug abuse and lying to police. Therefore it seems only a matter of time before some bigger balls begin to get busted. This at the end of the day though is what cycling needs, a fresh start with new hero's who don't stash blood bags in their closets.

telling the truth, cameras, and apologies!

I have to admit that leading up to last nights World Cup qualifier between France and Ireland I was devoid of any real biased towards one of the teams. By the end of the match though I felt like I had become born again Irish and that consequently I needed to commit an atrocity to Thierry Henry's vital organs. No I'm not even exaggerating. Henry's Micheal Jordan impersonation had Nicksportsrant fuming. Then I nearly vomited when Henry was interviewed and insisted that he didn't mean to do it and that it was all the referees fault.

Before I layout what I think can be done in instances like this I just want to express how I view Thierry Henry as a Football player and a person. Only a truly self absorbed, egotistical and classless human being could come out and make the comments that this once great footballer made after the final whistle. Never mind that its the referees decision to make. There was one man on that field who could have made things right and that was Thierry Henry. At least when Zinadine Zidane let himself down by head butting Marco Materazzi he did it because of the Italians foul mouthed abuse. For me Zidane is still the best Footballer of my generation. Thierry Henry has now tainted his reputation forever.

The title of this blog encapsulates (in my opinion) what should happen before, during ,and after an incident like this. Allow me to explain each point in the order they are written. Firstly the referee should have to by (footballing law) immediately ask the player guilty of the alleged offense if he indeed handled the ball. The player should then tell the referee the truth. If the player is still adamant that he is innocent of foul play then a television replay should be used by the fourth official. If the player in question is guilty he is sent off for cheating, and if not then play continues normally.

I would then go one step further as well. Along with the suspension and fine that players already receive I would force a public apology. Can you imagine Henry squirming around wishing he had a nippy little Clio to Va Va Voom him away from the glare of the camera awaiting his confession.

I believe that this three pronged approach to dealing with cheating (that could be used to counter diving as well) would appease both the purists who don't want to see technology interrupt the flow of play, and also those in the game who wish to see technology introduced.

Lets be honest by the time the Irish had stopped complaining and the French had hid their blushes there would have been enough time to evaluate the weekends weather as well as the hand ball. By giving the player a chance to admit his guilt, all the technology could be by passed and the game could continue freely.

Lastly it surprises me that its just the Irish who are demanding a replay of the game. Surely the French with their 'O so proud and honest' image would welcome the chance to replay the game and truly earn their passage to the World Cup. Unfortunately all we can hope for is that France receive some Karma at the World Cup, because FIFA and Platini got what they wanted all long and to lose both Russia and France would have been unthinkable for them.

Sky is the limit for David Haye

Hull city win, my own football team finish top of the table, Man Utd lose, Andy Murray won in Valencia, and then just when I thought this weekend couldn't get any better, David Haye somehow beat the 7'2 tall 23 stone heavy Nikolai Valuev to become Britain's first Heavyweight champion since Lennox Lewis.

Living in Vienna I watched the fight on terrestrial TV in a Pub. Therefore the commentary was inaudible. However when the referee stepped between the hairy Goliath and the flashy David it seemed to be clear as day who had won the fight. I counted on one hand the number of times Haye was hit, in contrast to the larger amounts of accurate shots that Valuev had to take. Any doubts were then totally put to rest when Valuev did his leaning 'Tower of Pisa' impression in the last round after Haye connected with a so called 'Hayemaker'.

I had actually thought along with other sports pundits that Haye would come up short against Valuev, and that his brittle chin would be his downfall. Haye wonderfully surprised me and I partied hard, safe in the knowledge that I would be reading glowing headlines the next day praising Haye's display. How disappointed I was then to go online the next day and listen to what British fans had had to listen to on Sky Box Office. All the commentators had Haye losing the fight on their scorecards and had been berating the champion for not being more aggressive throughout the fight.

Nicky Piper, Glenn McCrory, Johnny Nelson, and Jim Watt should hang their heads. They had all fallen for Hayes pre fight hype. Haye had said he was going to knock Valuev out in spectacular style, but this was all just fight selling talk. Every other boxing observer outside the Sky studios believed Haye would adopt a hit and run tactic and that he would try to out point the Giant Valuev, and out point him he did. How they all came to the conclusion that Haye was behind is beyond me.

Sky Sports coverage of boxing is usually very tinted. Fighters who are screened on Sky are often over hyped by pundits (such as the ones mentioned) almost to the point where you could be forgiven for thinking that they had been given lines to read by their producers. Haye was universally slated by Sky pundits before the Maccarinelli fight (Maccarinelli had been a Sky sports regular and Haye hadn't) then he signs a deal to fight Valuev on Sky and all of a sudden those same Pundits are waxing lyrical about him. It gets worse as well. Frank Warren (Boxing Promoter) has a deal with Sky whereby they exclusively show all his fight shows. I don't think I have heard a truly negative comment about one of his fighters from the Sky pundit panel. Amir Khan is the biggest joke of all. He is a world champion on the back of Sky's backing but were he to be put in the ring with any of the best men in his weight division he would be knocked out cold. Yet still the Sky panel insist that he is best thing since sliced bread. I wonder how fast their views would change were Khan to switch promoters and television networks.

My advise to those people that are new to watching boxing is not to listen too much to pundits and so called boxing experts as they usually all have an ulterior motive. Frank Warren for example has already come out and said that Valuev was one of the worst Heavyweights in history. However he failed to mention that 'Hayemaker Promotions' (owned by David Haye) is one of Warrens main promotional competitors.

What boxing fans should do if they want to hear impartial content is to find a web site or paper that holds little or no connection to the sport. The BBC (where boxers are more likely to be seen flitting around a dance floor than a ring) is usually a good place to start. Failing this there is always the ultimate source of impartial and entertaining sports opinion here at Nickssportrant.

You can take it from me 1. David Haye won his fight fair and square 2. He is the most exciting boxer in the Heavyweight division 3. You shouldn't listen to Sky Sports Boxing Pundits as had they been judging the fight the WBA heavyweight champion would still eat half a deer for breakfast, scare children, and need an industrial sized full body wax!

Agassi is still a legend

Andre Agassi has admitted to using Crystal Meth and then concealing its use from tennis officials. Whilst many may be shocked by this overly hyped revelation, I am not. You just have to take a look at a picture of Andre Agassi in his youth to realise that he may have experimented with something other than protein shakes and tic tacs.


Its not as though Agassi took the drug to enhance his performance. In a moment of weakness he turned to a drug that he knew would lift him out of the state of depression he found himself in. To suggest that this confession of drug abuse could destroy Agassi's reputation as an all time tennis great is frankly stupid. Most media outlets have been largely philosophical about Agassi's comments apart that is from the BBC who seem hell bent on blowing things out of proportion. Jonathan Overend, who I'm unsure has ever picked up a racket in anger, has said that Agassi may well have "tarnished his reputation". So maybe if Agassi had gone on the mother of all drinking binges and ended up in a ditch his reputation would still be intact, as that would have been legal.

I of all people have not been a great fan of Agassi's 'butter wouldn't melt' public persona helped by his willing wife Steffi Graf. However after this admittance of weakness he has actually gone up in my estimations. Agassi was and always will be a sporting legend for the way he played the game and for a comeback that rivaled any other in the world of sport.

Of course Overend then goes on to needle at the ATP claiming that they are too lenient on drugs. On this issue its clear that Tennis is a little behind other sports when it comes to dealing with drug cheats. There is the case of Richard Gasquet who tested positive for cocaine but said he got it in his system after kissing a girl. There is also the case of 7 mystery players who tested positive for Nandrolone in 2003 but got off on a technicality. The later story is quite different from Agassi's though. Nandrolone is a substance taken for the sole purpose of better muscle regeneration. Crystal Meth is taken by desperate individuals trying to escape reality.

What the ATP did was in the best interest of its player. What he needed was support and understanding. What he didn't need was for his name to be dragged through the dirt by journalists like Overend who like nothing more than a good witch hunt.

People are wrong if they think tennis has been damaged by this whole episode. I believe it will only act to show youngsters that the stars they idolise are still only human and that, like the rest of us, they can have moments of weakness.

The BBC failed to ever break open the story that was waiting to be found in the form of the 'Nandrolone 7' instead they have given up and found it easier to use the poor example of Agassi's misdemeanor to highlight Tennis's drug problem. Maybe Mr Overend could go away and actually be a journalist and find us a story worth reading rather than just passing comment on a serialised book.

Not everyone has fallen into the trap of attacking the bold headed tennis wonder. The Telegraph in a moment of lightheartedness states that this may well be the first sporting autobiography worth reading in ages. And at the end of the day that is what the whole point of this rant is; Agassi courted controversy throughout his career. He was the first real rebel rock and roll tennis player. This is why tennis fans the world over loved him. He is a character who has stories to tell and emotions to share. I liked that, it made tennis that bit more interesting and allowed fans to feel better connected to the game. The fact he took Crystal Meth doesn't really change that.